Fear Not

    With all of my jokes and crazy ideas my biggest struggle has never been my weight.  I have been over 300lbs since I was 13yrs old.  I understand that this could and does cause some skewed ideas about people and situations.  For instance, when most people talk about someone being large and what I consider large are two different sizes.  I say all this to say that I love my life and always have.  I have accomplished more than most people throughout my life by pure determination.
  This determination allowed me the strength to stop smoking 11 years ago and no alcohol in 10.  This is not meant as bragging but as insight into a life long struggle.  I love food like fatal attraction love.  This love shapes every relationship I have ever had. I have always pretended to be outgoing and confident. But, I am scared to death of what people think. I use my weight as a crutch to hold me back from reaching out for my dreams.  Fear of success is my biggest struggle in my life.  Now I know this may seem a little heavy compared to my other post.(fat humor)
   I am afraid when I lose my weight I will change.  Because, I understand me now.  This blog was birthed from this fear.  For years I have told my friends that one day I would write a book but with no real direction and tons of fear.  I just talked.  But, now I am doing.  One of my dearest friends has just published his first book, and I am so proud of him. ( Raven Cliffs by Lee Crase...there is your shameless plug brother)  But my jealousy to do is powerful.  Powerful enough to make me write everyday in my blogs.  My desire to compete in a 5k pushes me to train, while all along my fear keeps reminding me of my past failures. 
   So to my fear I say hold on because I am only getting better.  To everyone that reads this I say "Keep pushing, Keep moving, Keep doing, Don't let the fear win".........FIND YOUR DREAM AND RUN TO IT